I don't think I'm okay
So, in my last post I said I'd try and update this blog more often, I think that was me trying to give myself some structure in what I was doing with my time I've managed to settle down into a somewhat normal routine which is achievable and maintainable, this blog will just be updated when I feel I have something to say, and when I get motivation for it, dev logs on PyLaridae (because I think that's my primary side project at the moment)
Anyway, I said I don't think I'm okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. I'm fine. I guess seeing no one really reads this I may as well get this out there. My wife has left me, this happened back in August, and I'm not going to get into it here, but I can say it wasn't a mutual thing.
So yeah, in some areas I'm doing better than I have in quite some time, but on a whole it's not an easy thing to go from being in a long term, committed relationship to not being that. Those close to me have been instrumental in me being able to adjust, but if I'm honest there is something missing. Now I'm not going to try and fill this hole with anything, nor am I going to try and convince my ex-wife of anything, because for a start I don't think it would work, and secondly I don't know if it is something that can be filled.
This adjustment is something I just need to continue to adapt to, I feel I had a relatively fast turn around from the lowest point, but it feels like I've normalised at a point, and this point feels lower than I'd be comfortable with. Not by a huge margin mind you, just in my own self assessment things are dampened somewhat.
To be clear I wasn't expecting after 9 and a half years together for me to get over that in a bit over 2 months, it's just this is what feels to be the new normal as from this sort of resting position I move up and down, I may be calling it too early as the moving up is mostly when I'm distracted from my own thoughts, which I seem pretty focussed on doing a lot of the last few days.
I guess thanks for reading this vague rambling, I truly believe it's important to be upfront with how you're feeling and not be worried to hide it I guess.
tl;dr I'm either in a turbulent time currently or have come out the other side of a turbulent time, I think I've settled into a new normal emotional state which is generally speaking lower than I was before. I can't say for sure because I don't know for sure. I hope I'm still adjusting, but again, I can't say for sure.